I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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