Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
