dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
