you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
