I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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