dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
