The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
