Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
