Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
