Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
