Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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