i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
