I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
