we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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