Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
