i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
