Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
