kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
