i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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