butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
