Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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