I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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