Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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