Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
