Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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