How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
