I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
