Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize