He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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