I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
