Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
