I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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