Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize