I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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