I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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