In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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