WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
