I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
