and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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