Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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