I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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