Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
