Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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