I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize