I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
