just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
