So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
