Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
