I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
