yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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