you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
