um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize