somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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