I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
