I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I CAN MOONWALK!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
