I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
