Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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