i think i recognize dicks better than faces
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
