my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
