that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
