I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
