I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
