is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
