that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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