I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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