i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
