tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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