At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
