so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need water and some morals
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
