if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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