yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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