There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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